a weekend with my brother, a memoir

last friday i picked my brother up from the train that he rode all the way from Los Angeles to spend a weekend with my little family. here are the pictures i took on instagram. sorry if you follow me on instagram and i'm constantly blowing your feed up with pictures that are random. i always have my phone on me and i love the filters. 

no words. just cuteness. 

waiting.

sweet reunion. last time we saw my brother was for 2 hours on my way down to San Diego for my friend's wedding in October. that actually wasn't that long ago. but it was way longer than that before then and we just love him a lot. 

the fun and games commenced IMMEDIATELY. the kids love their Tio. 

the very next morning i made a yummy breakfast of Nutella Strawberry crepes and centercut applewood smoked bacon. 

then we stayed in our jammies. (and by "we" i mean everyone except little a who changed her outfit 546567686 times playing dress up. the ushe.)

we made forts. 

built things.

mostly my brother. he may LOOK 18 but he's actually still 7 on the inside when it comes to his love for building toys. and i love that. it was so fun to see Big A excited to play with his Tio.

just hanging out on the ropes course at the park at sun down with some sweet sun glare. that's all.

there was lots of snuggling. and wrestling. and tickle fights. 

then it was time to say good bye. 

Big A still refers to that day as "the sad day". tear. he actually came home from school that day saying that he cried in class earlier. when i asked him why he said, "i don't want to talk about it, i'm grumpy". a little while later he came out with it. he missed Tio and was really sad he left. 

this is not my brother's train. this is a freight train. duh. it just looked good.

we both second guessed our outfits after seeing this picture! ha! i'm really trying hard to work the loafer. i need to! i love them!

i enjoyed my time with him. it was relaxed and sweet. we talked about some good things and i feel a little closer to him. it's funny how our relationship has changed over the years. i'm looking forward to us growing even closer as he comes into his own as an adult and finds who he is as a man. 

it's hard letting go. i still worry. and in fact. i think i'm going through a small depression. it's in the form of not doing my dishes for two days. i just don't want to clean anything. i don't feel like it. and i'm not depressed that he left. i cherished our time and loved each minute. i think i'm sad that our time to influence him is over. he's out there on his own, making his own choices. some of them (probably a lot) will be bad, and we have to stand by and watch him stumble and fall and there is nothing we can do to stop him. there are no amount of tears, or words, or worries that can be that will keep him from growing up. and that is the scariest thing of all. our job now is to pray. and i know i struggle with trusting God. i often fall back into the habit of taking over control and worrying because a part of me believes God doesn't know what's best. but that's silly. of course he does. he made us. he made Mike. and he loves him. even more than i do. which must be a lot because i can't even measure the amount of love i have for my brother. 

this picture says, time to grow the bangs out. AND, i LOVE my brother!!!

so, daily, i give him over to the Lord. and pray with all my heart that the Lord will guide him through these times of searching for his own way in this life. 

xoxo,

tara

p.s. i just did the dishes. and after doing them, then writing this post... i feel a little bit better. A LITTLE bit i said. i will now continue to make myself feel better in the form of powdered donuts and mint hot cocoa. mmmm.