Thursday, August 25, 2011

channeling a Britney song...

...something along the lines of, "she drive me CRAZY"! 

fits. everyday. every time i'm preparing food. EVERY. DAY.
first off... i want you to know that i love my daughter something fierce! she is an answered prayer and a perfect fit in our family. she is sweet and soft spoken, and rough and boisterous all at the same time. secondly, you should know that you should not be fooled by her sweet little face... she is crazytown. she is super strong willed and will explode if you even think about telling her "NO". 

tear stained face
i love her. i love her. i love her. 

i also struggle with her, beyond words. it's a wrestle in my heart on a moment by moment basis. i want so badly to have a sweet relationship with her that will be lasting, even into adolescence. beyond that even. i know it can be done, i've seen it. and i know that the hard work must be done now. i'm super thankful for friends who have travelled this road and give me wisdom on how to deal with her. it's just REALLY. HARD. 

she always wants to hold my hand, even while we're eating.

sometimes i wonder if i put too much pressure on our relationship because i want it to be more than what i had with my mom. sometimes i wonder if it's just a phase and she will snap out of it. sometimes i have terrible thoughts that it will last forever and i will snap. 

girls night out. 

one thing i know for sure is that God knew what he was doing when he made me her mom and she my daughter. so i am thankful for her and i cling to Him during these hard stages. she needs me. she needs me to delight in her, encourage her, discipline her. teach her how to be a wife, how to be with her own daughter someday. 

He knows what she needs better than i do. He knows what i need better than i do. if i don't cling to Him i will be lost. all i want is what's best for her. even if it's hard work. 

but tonight, she's in bed, and i will be soon because, i'm tired. 



  1. Aww girlfriend! Would it surprise you to know that Allie was my little firecracker? "NO" was her favorite word. She did not sleep through the night until she was at least 3. If she fell asleep even for just two minutes and something caused her to wake up - like we got home and she was asleep in her car seat - she would not go back to sleep and would not be pleasant. "SELFDOIT" was her second favorite word. She wanted to do everything herself - like tie her shoes, or put on her cloths - long before she had the ability to do either and would through a fit if I tried to help her! I believe I have this on film if you want a good laugh! And I could go on and on. I spent many a night praying for her (and our other daughter). I just knew if I could persist and get that spunk going in the right direction she would be alright! By God's mercy and grace, the persistence paid off! Anyway, I just want you to know that I get it!!!
    Loved her with a passion then, love her now!!

  2. Tara, you are so beautiful. I know that God is already using you in such wonderful ways in her life. I am so sure that you are teaching so many wonderful life lessons just by the way you live. You are giving her so much more than you had and showing her what it means to follow Jesus with your whole heart. She is so blessed to have you as a mother!

  3. I read this out load and got all choked up. Today was a wonderful sweet day with Jewell, but not all days are. Thank you for your words that speak from your heart to ours.


registered users are welcome to leave a comment.